It’s the most natural thing in the world when you try to do everything for your children and take care of them all the time. You want to make sure that they’re always happy and protected from pain and discomfort. But there will be times when you have to tell them “no,” to teach them how to live their lives as adults. But then, you feel guilty about it sometimes! You feel like you’re doing everything wrong and letting your kids down by not letting them get their way constantly. It doesn’t matter if your kids are young or old. At some point in time, you will have to tell them “no.”
The Feeling You’re Not Doing a Good Job is Natural
Mommy guilt is a real thing — and it’s okay. It’s okay to feel guilty about not giving your kids what they want or about not being the mom you want to be. The feeling that you’re not doing a good job is natural.
But what can you do about it?
Accept that it’s normal. And as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your parenting, it isn’t that big of a deal. Recognize that this feeling is normal and then look at ways to reduce the severity of those feelings, so they don’t get in the way of your parenting.
Remind yourself of the bigger picture. Try reminding yourself that you’re doing what’s best for your child, even if they can’t see it right now. And also, remind yourself that you’re working toward a goal, like saving money for them to go on a fun trip or buy something special. Your child may not understand that right now, but they will later on.
Don’t feel guilty about other people’s judgments. It’s always hard when you have friends or family members who think you parent differently than they do — or who make comments about how you parent — but every parent is different.
Give yourself a break. No one is perfect – not even moms! You’re doing the best you can, and that’s all that matters. Just like you tell your kids, perfection isn’t an option – it’s unattainable. But being there for your kids in the best way possible is attainable, so focus on that instead of putting pressure on yourself to be perfect all the time.
Be kind to yourself. Though this sounds clichéd, it’s an essential factor in beating mommy guilt. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, and sometimes our kids misbehave no matter how hard we try to prevent it from happening. Accept these things and move on
It’s Okay to Say ‘No’ Sometimes
There will be many times when you have to tell your children no, even when it breaks your heart to do so. It won’t be the end of the world, and it won’t be a bad thing for your child. It’s okay to say no sometimes.
I’m not saying you should use ‘no’ as a crutch or that you should never say yes, and I’m suggesting that saying no is a valuable tool in parenting and shouldn’t be discounted.
Childhood is more than just playtime and fun stuff, and it’s about teaching responsibility, setting boundaries, and learning about consequences (good and bad). These are all things that can only be learned through experience and are therefore best learned at home, where parents can help guide their kids in the right direction.
Kids are great!
But they can also be frustrating, exhausting, and expensive. And those three things can lead to mommy guilt. You know what I’m talking about: You just want to say no to your kids for a second, but you feel like if you do, there will come a day when you wake up and realize that your children hate you.
Here’s the thing: Kids need to hear no sometimes. They need to listen to it because it helps them build self-control and patience, and eventually, they need to hear it, so they don’t grow up into some entitled monster who thinks mom is supposed to cater to his every whim.
Learn to Be Okay With Saying ‘no’ in a Loving Way
In our modern world, we live with the idea that we can have everything and do everything. We have access to so much it is easy to become overwhelmed with all of the possibilities.
How do you know when to say yes and when to say no?
We want to make our kids happy, but we also want them to be well-rounded individuals. The truth is, our kids will not get everything they want. And sometimes, when they don’t get something they want, they may be disappointed for a moment, but then will soon forget about it and move on.
This is why saying ‘no’ is sometimes the best thing for your child. It’s how he learns limits and boundaries (which he will need later in life).
Saying ‘no’ is hard for many moms because we want to make our children happy! But sometimes, saying ‘no’ can be good for a child’s development and growth.
Set Limits Ahead Of Time: Set limits ahead of time. You know what you should say yes or no to.
Say no, then offer an alternative. If you can offer your child something else instead of their original request, it can help them feel better about hearing the word “no.” For example, if your child wants some ice cream for breakfast, try saying no and offering them some fruit instead.
Play the 20-minute rule. If your child is asking for candy at the grocery store or begging for another minute on their iPad before bedtime, count with them down from 20! When they reach zero, remind them of what they were asking for – chances are they will forget all about it!
Make sure ‘no’ means something. Children know when they can get away with something or when their parents are bluffing, so only say no if you mean it. Otherwise, they’ll learn that they can push your boundaries.
Praise Their Good Behavior
It’s easy only to notice bad behavior. However, if you want to improve your child’s behavior, praise their good behavior. Instead of just pointing out the times they get in trouble, point out when they do something right. This will encourage them to keep up the good behavior and make them more willing to listen when you have to say no.
Everything you do, every decision, every choice, is designed and directed by your children. Whether toddlers or teenagers, they are a work in progress, and YOU are the Master Builder. You are the architect of their life. You create the blueprints and build their foundation. Without realizing it, you set them up for success or failure. Everything you do impacts them—good or bad—and that’s why it’s essential always to put them first.
For most parents, their child’s happiness is the most essential thing in the world. However, accepting that sometimes your child has to be told ‘no’ can make all of the difference in your relationship and doing what is best for them. Trust yourself, and all of your decisions will help you with this, but no matter what, try not to feel guilty about it. After all, kids have to learn sometime, and they can grow from there.